Changing Employee Behavior
Tardiness. Absenteeism. Improper dress. Wasting time. Long smoking or coffee breaks. Disorganization. Procrastination. Failure to prioritize. Safety violations. Non-business internet use. Wasting supplies. Damaging equipment. Distracting coworkers. Excessive personal phone calls or texting. Offensive language. Off-color jokes. Extended lunches. Leaving stations unattended. There are too many improper employee behaviors to list.
There is no such thing as a perfect employee (or manager). Our role as managers is to encourage our imperfect but talented and willing team of humans to achieve extraordinary results. We have to expect some behavioral challenges along the way.
How to Change Employee Behavior
Fortunately, not every infraction needs to be addressed. Those with insignificant consequences and that are unlikely to be repeated are often better overlooked. “Running a tight ship” is an admirable goal but not by being “an iron-fisted tyrant.” Better to conserve our influence for more important issues.
Likewise, our long-term employees deserve some latitude. They rarely need us to explain what’s expected, and they’ve proven their commitment to the team and its goals. We can sometimes assume unusual circumstances, at least for the first occurrence.
But most other inappropriate behaviors do need to be addressed and changed, especially since what we choose to ignore often becomes standard practice.
But how do we do it? We sense the conversation will be awkward and embarrassing to the team member. We dread having it and we tend to put it off, hoping the problem will go away on its own.
Some managers procrastinate until they can no longer contain their frustration, finally blurting it out in ugly exasperation. A manager losing his temper is not an inspirational sight. The employee and everyone else who hears the outburst resents it as needlessly harsh. “If that was a concern, why didn’t he just say so?”
A tempting workaround is a general announcement and reminder to the team. But that unnecessarily subjects the whole team to a negative and undeserved lecture. Most team members know who the message is for and recognize the method as an attempt to avoid a direct discussion—a poor example of the open communication we want to create.
Nor is it effective to joke or tease the employee about changing behavior, to try to innocuously slip a recommendation for change into another conversation, or to send a message through other team members.
The only appropriate method for changing behavior is a private conversation, directly with the employee.
The tone should always be respectful and supportive, not confrontational. Our words and manner should reflect our belief that the employee is a willing team member, eager to do what he can to help the team achieve its goals.
Model Conversations on Changing Behavior
A simple and inoffensive opening is mentioning that we noticed the behavior, asking about it, and allowing the employee to explain.
1st Conversation on Punctuality
Haley, a new employee, shows up for work 30 minutes late. Mike stops by her desk.
M: Haley, I noticed you were late this morning. Is everything OK?
H: Yes, I’m sorry. It was…. [traffic, my alarm, car wouldn’t start, etc.]
M: I see.
Asking sometimes reveals an unexpected reason for the employee behavior. A late employee might have had an accident, taken a child to the emergency room, or spent the night at the hospital with a sick parent. Expounding on the problem her lateness caused before finding this out would come across as insensitive and uncaring, especially to a team member already coping with a difficult situation.
The fine art of changing behavior is applying just enough influence to change the behavior without creating resentment or an adversarial relationship. Better to err on the side of understatement than to come on too strong. We can elaborate further when necessary, but we can’t take back the resentment of a perceived heavy hand.
Indicating we noticed the problem is often enough to correct the behavior, especially if the employee is aware of what’s expected. If the employee doesn’t know what’s expected and why it’s important, we can politely explain.
In most cases, nothing else is needed. A good team member will try not to disappoint us again.
If the problem recurs, we can again indicate we noticed and ask about it. If an acceptable reason isn’t offered, we can mention the problem it causes, ask how they might avoid the problem behavior in the future, and offer our encouragement.
2nd Conversation on Punctuality
Haley is on-time for several days and then comes in 30 minutes late again. Mike finds an opportunity to talk with her privately.
M: Haley, we missed you this morning. Did you have trouble again?
H: Yes, unfortunately. I’m sorry. It was…. [traffic, …,]
M: When you’re late, someone has to cover for you. Is there something you can do to ensure you make it on time?
H: I guess I’ll have to set my alarm a little earlier. I’ll make sure it doesn’t happen again.
M: Thanks, Haley. I know you can do it.
The third recurrence of a problem, especially in a short time, sometimes indicates a character flaw that we can’t fix.
If it’s a behavior we can’t live with, it’s time to politely remind them that we need a person in the job who performs appropriately and encourage them to be that person.
3rd Conversation on Punctuality
After coming in on-time for more than a week, Haley shows up 45 minutes late. Mike stops at her desk to talk while no one else is near.
M: Haley, I was surprised to see you were late again this morning. Did something happen?
H: I’m sorry, Mike. My…. [weak excuse]
M: I’m worried because that’s three times in a couple of weeks.
H: Yes, I know.
M: Our team really needs a person in that role who’s dependable. Do you think you can do it?
H: Yes, I can do it.
M: Do you have a plan to fix it?
H: Well, I’ll….
M: OK, we’re counting on you, Haley. If there’s something I can do to help, let me know.
H: Thanks, Mike. I won’t let you down.
There’s never a need to explicitly threaten an employee with termination. The understanding is always clear that if they can’t or won’t do the job, we have to get someone who can. Several discussions are sufficient notice that their past performance is not adequate.
Companies and organizations at high risk of employment lawsuits sometimes want it spelled out in writing for the employee, as discussed below, but few employees really fail to understand the situation.
Contrary to the popular misconception, reprimanding or imposing discipline won’t turn an employee into the team member we need. Discipline and threats imply that the employee follows the rules only to avoid punishment. If an employee accepts that implication, they’ll do the minimum necessary to get by in all their work.
Such an adversarial relationship is the opposite of the team commitment we need and work hard to create. What’s worse, the adversarial attitude sometimes spreads through a team like a cancer.
If a few conversations don’t correct an inappropriate behavior, the employee simply isn’t the team member we need, and we should make a change.
More Model Conversations on Changing Behavior
Since conversations to change behaviors are among the most uncomfortable of a manager’s responsibilities, let’s watch Mike handle another.
His formula for the first occurrence is to mention he noticed, ask what happened, and, if necessary, explain the problem it causes.
1st Conversation on Dependability
Paul is responsible for preparing the selection room for appointments.
M: Paul, I noticed the room wasn’t ready this morning when our customer arrived. Did something happen?
P: Well, I got interrupted just as I started working on it.
M: I see. We seem disrespectful when we make our customers wait for us to get organized.
P: I’m sorry. I’ll have it ready next time.
M: Thanks, Paul.
If the problem occurs again, Mike says he noticed, asks what happened, explains a problem it causes, asks for a plan, and offers encouragement.
2nd Conversation on Dependability
A week later Mike sees customers again standing outside the selection room. Later in the day he stops at Paul’s desk.
M: Paul, I noticed people were waiting for you to get the selection room ready again this morning. What happened?
P: Unfortunately I got a call from a supplier and it took longer than I expected.
M: It was a little embarrassing for the team and uncomfortable for our customers.
P: I’m sorry.
M: What can you do to make sure the room is ready from now on?
P: I guess I need to start earlier to allow for interruptions.
M: Can you do that?
P: I’ll make sure to.
M: Thanks, Paul. We’re counting on you.
Although Mike’s disappointment is surely growing, he remains respectful and encouraging. If he feels like letting his frustrations out, he knows it would serve no useful purpose and would only damage the pride he wants Paul to take in his work.
If the problem continues, Mike indicates he noticed, asks what happened, expresses concern, states the need for a dependable person to do the job, asks for a plan, and offers encouragement.
3rd Conversation on Dependability
Mike sees Paul in a rush again to prepare the room for a customer who has already arrived. After the appointment, Mike invites Paul to his office.
M: Paul, I was surprised to see that the selection room wasn’t ready again this morning. What happened?
P: I’m sorry. I was helping Gina with a delivery problem and I lost track of time.
M: I’m concerned because that’s the third time. When we’re not ready for our customers, we make them feel unwelcome and waste their time. We really need a person in that job who can have it ready consistently. Do you think you’re going to be able to do it?
P: Yes, I can do it.
M: What will you do differently?
P: I’m going to start earlier and not allow myself to be interrupted.
M: Have you thought about setting it up the day before?
P: That’s a good idea. I’ll do that.
M: We’re really counting on you, Paul. If there’s something I can do to help, please let me know.
If Paul doesn’t respond after these conversations, he probably isn’t capable, and Mike will have to make a change.
Occasionally a team member doesn’t understand the importance of what’s expected and needs a more extensive explanation. Everyone is more committed when they understand the whys.
1st Conversation on Off-color Jokes
Tom is perennially the team’s top salesman and is well respected inside and outside the company. He’s gregarious, popular, and fun—and often tells improper jokes. After hearing him tell one, Mike discretely invites Tom to his office to talk.
M: Tom, your sales are excellent, and I always appreciate your positive attitude. But there is something I need to talk to you about.
T: OK, what’s up?
M: I’m concerned that some of your jokes might make some of our coworkers uncomfortable.
T: Everyone laughs at my jokes. What’s the problem?
M: Sex, race, religion, national origin, etc. are sensitive subjects and we have to be careful not to offend anyone.
T: Has someone complained about something I said?
M: No, fortunately not. And it’s something you and we really need to avoid. Company policy on that is rigid, and the laws are tough. A complaint requires a formal warning and sometimes a job reassignment. The consequences of a second complaint are especially severe.
T: I see. Well, I hope I haven’t offended anyone. I’ll choose my jokes more carefully in the future.
M: I appreciate that, Tom. That’s exactly the attitude I’ve learned to expect from you.
If an otherwise good team member repeats the behavior, we might assume he didn’t understand the rules and reasons.
2nd Conversation on Off-color Jokes
A week later Mike hears Tom tell a gathering of teammates another joke that might offend. Later Mike catches Tom in private.
M: Tom, you didn’t forget our conversation last week, did you?
T: Not at all. I haven’t offended anyone, have I?
M: That joke you told a little while ago might offend someone.
T: They all laughed so I don’t think it did.
M: Yes, I noticed they laughed too. But unfortunately that doesn’t mean they weren’t embarrassed or uncomfortable.
T: I don’t mean to offend anyone. If I do, I’ll certainly apologize.
M: I wish it were that simple, Tom. Remember we talked about how tough company procedures and the law are. I’ve printed them out for you to take with you and read. Some of the consequences are pretty serious.
T: You mean I can’t tell jokes?
M: I don’t mean that at all. We enjoy your jokes. It makes the workplace more fun. We just can’t tell jokes about sex, race, religion, etc.
T: OK, I’ll be more careful. It’s OK to tell them to Dan and Paul, isn’t it, especially since they tell similar ones to me?
M: I know it’s unlikely they’d be offended but it’s just not worth the risk, Tom. You have such a large repertoire of jokes. Can you just choose some that aren’t about sex?
T: Those aren’t the good ones. [smile] But I understand what you’re saying. I’ll clean up my act and encourage the others to do the same.
M: Thanks, Tom. I knew I could count on you. And thanks for setting the example for the others. They look up to you.
If the situation occurs a third time, the employee either isn’t comprehending the situation and its seriousness, or can’t control his behavior. In either case, we have an obligation to explain it as clearly as possible.
3rd Conversation on Off-color Jokes
After hearing Tom tell another improper joke in the hall, Mike invites Tom to his office.
M: Tom, you’re our best sales person and everyone loves working with you. But your jokes really have me worried.
T: Did someone complain?
M: No, fortunately not. If they did, we’d have serious problems. Do you recall what the law and company procedures say?
T: Well, I probably didn’t read them as carefully as I should have.
M: Let’s go over them together. I think it’s worth our time. Here’s what the law says…. And company procedure says….
T: Wow! That sounds like overreaction to me.
M: It is tough, and, as you see, it doesn’t allow us much wiggle room. Losing you would be a huge setback for our whole team, Tom, and create some major problems for both you and me.
T: I guess I didn’t realize it was that serious.
M: I think it is and it really has me worried. What can you do to keep us out of trouble?
T: I guess I have to just stop telling those kinds of jokes.
M: That would resolve it and we could all rest easier. But I know you love those jokes. Do you really think you can do it?
T: From the sound of it, I don’t have a choice.
M: I think you’re right and I appreciate your willingness. I hope you’ll continue to tell jokes—but clean ones, please.
T: Thanks for letting me know about this. I didn’t realize how serious it was.
M: I’m glad you’ve got it now, Tom. You can do this.
After every behavior-change conversation, we should make notes. For companies at low risk of lawsuits, a simple dated note is often enough for our own reference as well as the rare legal challenge.
However, for many companies and organizations, harassment and employment lawsuits are a constant concern. As a result, most of these companies require procedures and documentation to protect themselves.
Such requirements add a layer of challenge to the positive team environment we want to create. The formality and documentation can make a workplace feel like a legal battleground between employees and management—the opposite of the cooperation and shared commitment we want to create. In addition, the required procedures visibly tie a manager’s hands, often allowing poor team members to stay on longer than they should, and encouraging them to challenge the manager’s authority.
Nevertheless, behavioral conversations and terminations sometimes lead to legal actions, and defending the company against them is expensive and time consuming. We not only have to be careful not to break a law, we have to be prepared to prove we didn’t break it.
Documentation is particularly important when an employee repeats an inappropriate behavior multiple times or appears to be approaching termination.
Documenting Behavior Conversations
Mike talked with Ed after a couple of anger outbursts, but the problem has come up again. During Mike’s conversation with Ed:
M: Company procedures require me to fill out a form for both of us to sign, Ed. I’ve tried to do it as fairly as possible.
E: You’re writing me up for this?!
M: It’s a standard procedure that we’re obligated to follow, Ed. In the long term, it shouldn’t make any difference if you’ve got this under control.
E: I just don’t like having that in my file.
M: I know. I don’t like having to do it either. But we’ll get through it and it shouldn’t interfere with your work.
Employment law is too complicated and specialized to attempt any specific legal advice here; in most cases, we’re safe when we follow our company’s prescribed procedures.
If our companies don’t have guidelines, we need to familiarize ourselves with the laws, so we can recognize and avoid potentially troublesome situations.
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